I have been writing about relationships for years.
By far the most common, relentless question that comes across my desk (or rather, my inbox) is some variation of “How does he feel about me?”
I totally get where the question comes from.
In my many years as a single girl looking for love, I have asked myself — as well as my girlfriends, guy friends and Google — the very same question.
I spent countless hours mentally tallying the signs he did versus the signs he didnt. I have laboriously begun trying to inch my way toward a definitive answer to this seemingly impossible question.
However, I gotabsolutely nowhere.
Trying to figure out how a guy feels is a huge waste of time and energy because when he really likes you (or when hes in love with you), you just know it. There are no questions to ask or riddles to solve.
When I started dating my now husband, I never once wondered if he liked me. Doing so would have been silly because it was just so obvious he was crazy about me.
Thats because when a guy likes you like really likes you you’ll know it.
Everyone around you will also know it.
If you have to ask, you already have your answer.
To break it down further, here are seven absolutely foolproof signs he’s crazy about you:
1. Hes happy spending time with you.
This has a double meaning: It means he wants to spend time with you, but it also means hes happy whilehe’s spending time with you.
Heres a secret most women dont know about men: What makes a man fall in love is the way he feels when hes with you.
Does he feel happy, at ease and comfortable being himself?
Or does he feel pressured and stressed, like he has to be a certain way and give you certain things?
Men dont commit the same way women do.
Women typically have some sort of mental checklist of qualities they want, which could include smart, successful, charming, funny, tall or a full head of hair.
When they meet a guy who checks off enough boxes, they start to invest in him and develop feelings.
Men, on the other hand, dont tally a list of traits. They consider how they feel around a girl.
If he wants to spend time with you and tells you how happy he is when hes around you, that’s a sign hes falling hard.
Hesees you as someone he wants to spend a lot more time with: maybe even a lifetimes worth.
2. He factors you in.
He considers you before making decisions, and carves out a place for you in his life.
He prioritizes spending time with you, no matter how crazy his schedule is.
Even if all he has time for is a quick cup of coffee in the middle of the day, he will spend that time with you.
Factoring you in isnt just about spending physical time together: He also factors you in emotionally.
He considers your feelings, your desires and your needs, and he makes them a priority.
For example, if his buddies are planning a crazy bachelor party somewhere far away for a long weekend, he doesnt just book a flight without telling you.
He lets you know what the plan is, and he shows concern for your feelings by making sure youre okay with whatever it may be.
He also keeps you in the loop in a more general way. He wont disappear for days at a time, take hours to respond to your texts or make tentative plans with you, just to never follow through.
He factors you in. He calls. He cares.
3. You dont wonder if he likes you.
The surest sign hes crazy about you really comes down to how you feel in the relationship.
When a guy really cares about you, its obvious. You arent left wondering.
He makes time for you. He calls.
He books the next date.
He doesnt leave a crack of open space for doubts to creep in.
Doesyour relationship have you feeling stressed, worried and anxious?
Are youconstantly analyzing his texts to figure out how he feels, and then carefully deliberating how to respond?
Doyou spend more time trying to figure out how he feels about you than actually enjoying the feelings you get when youre with him?
If so, these arebig signshes not so into you.
4. You can just be.
When a guy really cares about you, he accepts you as you are, and loves pretty much everything about you.
He also doesnt make you feel bad about the stuff he doesnt love quite so much. Rather, he accepts them as being part of the wonderful package that is you.
When you feel like you cant be yourself and cant express how you feel, its probably because youre with a guy who doesnt fully accept you.
Your fear of doing something that will cause him to lose interest isnt totally unfounded because this can happen with guys who are only mildly interested.
Thisnever happens with guyswho are seriously interested.
Consider the way you feel around him. Can you be yourself, or do you feel like you have to be some other way in order to get him to like you?
5. He isnt all talk.
A guy saying he cares about you is nice. But ultimately, its pretty meaningless.
The true measure of how a man feels is the way he behaves.
What does he do to show you he really cares?
Texting you and saying he really likes you doesnt cut it.
That is called “doing the bare minimum” to keep a girl on the hook. It isnt an expression of genuine feelings.
Look at his actions. Does he make an effort to treat you like youre special? Does he do things that make you happy?
Heres a secret: When a man loves a woman, her happiness is his happiness. He cant do enough to put a smile on her face.
If your guy is only happy when you do stuff for him and doesnt really bother doing things to make you happy, he is either just a very selfish person or not interested.
6. The way he feels about you isnt dependent onhow you make him feel.
When a guy genuinely cares about you, it means he cares about your feelings, not what you can do for him.
A guy who cares will want to be there for you when you’re upset.
He will want to comfort you, support you and understand you.
A guy who doesn’t care about you will get annoyed when youre having a problem. He won’t want to be there for you when it’s inconvenient for him.
Sure, this kind of guy will be there when things are great and when you can give him the affection and approval he desires, but he’ll back away when youre unable to give these things to him for whatever reason.
Youll know he truly cares by the things he notices about you, and what he appreciates. He may even see you more clearly than you see yourself.
A healthy relationship is rooted in seeing and appreciating the other person for who he or she is.
7. He commits to you.
This means he calls you his girlfriend or takes the next step in the relationship.
He doesnt tell you he loves you and youre the best thing since Nutella, but he “cant be in a relationship right now.”
No, no, no.
When a guy really cares about you, he wants to lock you down.
In fact, hes afraid not to because then, he risks losing you.
When hes in love, the future is no longer some scary place. It becomessomething he looks forward to sharing with you.