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How My Boyfriend’s Parents’ Divorce Affected Our Relationship


People always say divorce is one of the hardest things to go through in life.Its hard on the two people who experience it firsthand, and also on everyone surrounding them.

Ifthe couple had children, its especially hard on them. No one wants to see their parents split up.But you dont have to be an actual CHILD to feel the pain of divorce. It hurts no matter how old you are.

If youre the person supporting someone whos been affected by divorce, it sometimes ends up affecting you, too.

The most significant breakup in my life thus far was with someone who already had a lot of underlying issues, someone I always had doubts about. But when his parents got divorced, it was like the final nail in the coffin.

We were 22, and everything (at the time) was pretty great between us.

We were students. He played in a band; I was doing photography on the side; we hung out with our friends. It was allpretty healthy stuff.

I always noticed his parents were a bit odd in the way they interacted with one another, but I chalked it up to be a simple matter of life: They worked a lot and didnt have the same spark as they used to, but they were pretty solid.

At least, they were good at acting like it.

I personally came from a home where it was acceptable to hug and kiss your parents and tell them you love them, whereas that was basically taboo at my boyfriends house.

I couldnt really understand why at first, but after spending so long with him, I started to see exactly why there was such a lack of emotion in theirhousehold.

I still remember the day my boyfriend told me his parents were splitting up. For the sake of their privacy, I wont say why they decided to end it, but it was really messy and VERY public.

At first, my boyfriend acted like it was all good. He seemed almost HAPPY they were ending things.

I understood that because, frankly, they had subjected him to quite the large amount of passive aggressive jabs at each other, so the fact that this was ending and his dad (whom he despised) was leaving the house seemed like a good thing.

Except it wasnt.

Over the next few months, life became pure hell for my boyfriend and by association, me.

His parents did what every psychologist and bystander will tell you NOT to do to your kids, and thats put them in the middle/make them choose sides.

All my boyfriend heard was your father this, your father that (insert many derogatory names and swear words) and vice versa.

It was horrible, and I was traumatized.

Coming from my type of family and seeing this made me hurt for him and for me. It seemed like our perfect bubble of young adult love was being stabbed by his family.

And it only got worse from there. My boyfriend started acting out, over-drinking, coming home later and later and pushing me away.

He even got into a fight and got two black eyes from a stranger. To this day, I dont know what happened So even though I was the only person who truly understood and supported him, he seemed to want to get further and further away from me.

The moment I really felt the weight of his parents divorce on our relationship was when they decided to sell their house.

His father essentially told him he would need to move out because his mother was refusing to comply with the sale as long as he lived at home.

Naturally, he asked me to move outwith him. I mean, who else was going to put up with him? He couldnt ask any of his friends because theyd find out and all the dirty laundry would thus be aired.

Being the perfect girlfriend I was, I said yes. I had no money saved and I was still a student, but I said yes. I didnt know it then, but I had just put an extra nail in that coffin.

After we moved out, I felt that him being away from his parents would help. But it was worse.

It was as if every issue we everdealt withhad suddenly grown three times in size and was all coming out at me at once. I realized his inability to feel remorse when he hurt me.

His issues with commitment and the idea of marriagewere all results of the crappy example of marriage he had grown up with and, most recently, seen dissolve into thin air.

I realized he would never be the one for me, and his parents divorce had shone the light on all the issuesI had been ignoring for three years.In a way, it was a horrible and unfortunate thing that happened, but for me, it was also a blessing in disguise.

Divorce is never easy. No matter how old you are, the pain of seeing your parents split up will always sting.

All you can do is stay strong, keep the people who support you close by and appreciate them for that.

Originally found athttp://www.elitedaily.com